JUDICIAL INDISCRETION TRADEMARK OF CIRCUIT 19 IN VIRGINIA | Fairfax judges must be stopped from running the court system as they please, says DeLuca

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“You can't make this stuff up, and this is just a thumbnail tip of the iceberg rendition. The file is not sealed; read it for yourself. Because next time, if these judges are not stopped from running the court system as they please, it could be you.” -Karen Ann DeLuca

My journey in the Fairfax County Circuit Court began in the Spring of 2004 and continues to this day. CH2003-182004 for the curious, as I can only touch on a few details of the egregious miscarriage of justice in this post.

The Commissioner's Hearing in March 2004 was presided over by Steven Garver of Reston. The thrust of his subsequent report was to strain to make everything 50/50. He minimized my ex's lengthy massage parlor/prostitute/pornography habit, despite his testimonial admittance and documented social diseases, equating it on "fault" grounds as tantamount to my fibromyalgia, which he seemed to imply may have justified and provoked it. Apparently he missed the part in the transcript where the ex admitted his habit had begun well before I met him, porno at 13, prostitutes at 20, and was concealed in whole or in part for most of our 20 year marriage. Mr. Garver is still a Special Commissioner and a spouse behaving badly's best friend.

The next stop was the Equitable Distribution Trial, now retired Langhorne Keith presiding over a two day debacle and most of the post Final Decree hearings. He allowed, over my fervent opposition, the marital residence, with its multitude of hidden problems, to be sold without full disclosure at the top of the bubble real estate market, specifically ordering me to be gagged and evicted when it was shown. For my efforts on behalf of truthtelling, I was heavily sanctioned. The marital residence was subsequently foreclosed upon and Fairfax County's own property records indicate it was sold at an "invalid sales price."

Then came Jonathan Thacher, still on the bench, who rubberstamped most of Langhorne Keith's handiwork in February 2005, and accepted and charged me with a variety of questionable bills, some clearly fraudulent on their face, associated with the ex's sale of the marital residence.

About the same time, fed up with the antics of the ex and his new wife, noting his behavior got infinitely worse after he hooked up with her in the fall of 2002 , a "prize" just six weeks off her last affair with a married man (admitted under oath) when that happened, I brought two tort suits, L226331 and L226453, because of their distressing conduct - such activity as rerouting my mail, canceling my credit cards, and an IRS audit which resulted from the ex's claiming as "alimony" money he gave me in early 2002, when we were separated but trying to work things out, as his share of the running of the marital residence which he still frequented. The Pendente Lite Order was not entered until January 2003. Judge Arthur Vieregg, now retired, ordered a sanctions trial on my Motions for Judgments, and in his Letter Opinions called the ex's tax fraud "...not taken steps related to income tax returns..." and "...not filed the necessary tax forms...". You can read the Tax Court opinion which ultimately went against the ex to see how off base the Fairfax County Circuit Court judge was. (The "United States Tax Court" opinion can be found at www.ustaxcourt.gov/InOpHistoric/katchmeric.sum.WPD.pdf.)

In June of 2007, a hearing was held, motioned by the ex's attorney, Michael A. Ward of Fairfax, but intentionally not noticed to me so that I would not have knowledge of it until after the fact, seeking to get money from the joint escrow account from the sale of the marital residence for all these bogus judgments aforementioned against me. Judge Gaylord Finch presided and less than 30 days later, in violation of the court's own "default" judgment rules, $76,957.21 was released to my ex and his new wife and his attorney. I did not find out until November 2008.

Almost from the start, the ex has been non compliant with the Final Decree. The alimony payment was rarely on time. His work information changed twice. I found out about it, but not because he ever informed me - or the court - per the dictates of the Final Decree. The first time he wrote me a note, signed and dated, copy in the case file, saying he did not have to comply; the second time, it was because he lost his high level security clearance and good government job, in part over the tax fraud which Judge Vieregg had found so insignificant, and there has been no response to my letters, from the ex, or from his attorney, who drafted the Final Decree. For years. Fed up, I filed Motions for Contempt and Sanctions and Motions to Compel thinking that might prod compliance. Nada.

The motions were finally docketed per order of Judge Marcus Williams, to be heard on November 24, 2008, for a full day trial. That day, the judge was Leslie Alden [ whose term expires in 2012 ]. She was in and out in less than an hour, spent most of that time listening to Mr. Ward, never heard my Motions for Contempt and Sanctions and banned me from bringing any further ones.

In January 2009, after bombarding all the members of the court with my complaints, I received a letter from her allowing me to bring these motions in Motion for Order to Show Cause form. The documents were promptly filed against the ex, the new wife and Michael A. Ward. And then began the stall to hear them by Erica Everhart, Judge Alden's then law clerk. I would have to come on three separate Fridays, and would at best get part of thirty minutes. Portions would not be heard. Not necessary to be on Judge Alden's docket, although in her letter dated March 26, 2009, the judge specified they were to go to her and her alone. These particular type of motions require a judge's order, which to date, almost a year later, despite being promised but has not been forthcoming. Fed up with the run-around from Erica, I contacted the Chief Judge [ Dennis Smith ]. His July 7, 2009 response indicated a willingness to assign a particular judge and give me the entirety of a Friday motion day. I argued for the original full day trial on a day other than Friday, in line with how the original Motions for Contempt and Sanctions and Motions to Compel were scheduled. His response, a letter dated September 21, 2009, was a blow off where he went back on his word, claiming these were appellate matters, which they could not be, since they were just filed and never heard. Nonsense. I wrote back to him at the beginning of October and there has been no response to date. All of the court's ex parte communications, noting mine were not, have been placed in the file.

The ex's violations of the Final Decree continue, and shortly they will impact my rights to his retirement account, if he hasn't raided it like all the others already. You can't make this stuff up, and this is just a thumbnail tip of the iceberg rendition. The file is not sealed; read it for yourself. Because next time, if these judges are not stopped from running the court system as they please, it could be you. And check back for future installments on my continuing experience with the Fairfax County Circuit Court and with their appellate brethren in this state. As a preview to the latter, see my recent opinion piece in the Roanoke Times by going to www.roanoke.com/editorials/commentary/wb/224208.

-Karen Ann DeLuca
Fairfax County, Virginia*

*Judges on the Virginia Courts in Circuit 19: Judge Dennis J. Smith (Chief), Judge Michael P. McWeeny, Judge Marcus D. Williams, Judge Stanley P. Klein, Judge Jane Marum Roush, Judge Leslie M. Alden, Judge Jonathan C. Thacher, Judge R. Terrence Ney, Judge Gaylord L. Finch (retires 12.31.09), Judge Randy I. Bellows, Judge Charles J. Maxfield, Judge Bruce D. White, Judge Robert J. Smith, Judge David S. Schell and Judge Jan L. Brodie for the Fairfax County Circuit Court

[This post was originally published on 7 December 2009]

BEWARE OF BRIAN WALD A "P"aid "H"ired "D"eceiver Sold Testimony to Violent Father With Psych Problems, Price Tag $7000; Suffolk Judge Switched Custody

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“I lost physical custody of my son to a man with mental illness and an arrest record.” -Dawn Davis on 29 Sep 09

I am learning that my story is all too familiar. My divorce case was heard in Suffolk, Virginia (3 hours southeast of Fairfax). I have lived in Northern Virginia for a little over two years now, since my ex-husband threw me and our 20-month-old son at the time out of our home.

The father of my son pulled a knife on me and locked himself in the bathroom. He kept yelling that he wished he was dead and wished he had a gun. When I tried to leave with our son in my arms, he swung open the door and tried to pull our son from my arms into the bathroom with the knife. During the first hearing two years ago, I was awarded full custody and he got supervised visitation. He was also ordered to go to a psychiatrist for an evaluation, which he turned out to be diagnosed with Major Depression and Adjustment Disorder.

A guardian ad litem in Suffolk named Thomas Kirk Pretlow was assigned to the case at the request of my husband's attorney. My attorney objected, requesting the judge appoint his own, but the judge turned the request down. From that point on and for two years, this GAL was a nightmare for me. Mr. Pretlow never called me, interviewed me, or even called my son's daycare and doctor for interviews. Pretlow kept threatening me to "talk" to my husband or it would result in me losing custody. I replied to him (through email) that I had no problems talking to my husband, but only about our son. My husband wanted to talk to me everyday, and cried to the GAL whenever I didn't, citing that I was not communicating. To make matters worse, my husband assaulted my mom during a visitation drop off and was convicted in August 2008.

Guardian ad litem Thomas Kirk Pretlow told me that it was my fault for the assault, even though I wasn't even there. Mr. Pretlow always blamed me for my husband's outbursts. I reported this GAL to the Virginia Sate Bar in November 2008 and wrote a letter to the judge. By rule, they notify the attorney when a complaint is filed. I was hoping this would get Pretlow to remove himself from the case, make the judge remove him or at least make him do his job, but it did not.

Mr. Pretlow said that my son should stay with me, but during the final trial on August 31, 2009, he stood up and said that he "changed his mind."

Pretlow said that I needed to "mellow out" and I needed to have my son taken away from me to teach me a lesson and make me talk to my husband. (The judge had said earlier in the case that he would wait for the GAL's opinion before making a ruling on custody.)

Our parenting evaluator, the clinical psychologist Brian K. Wald of Virginia Beach, also changed his mind.

Dr. Brian Wald’s first report recommended that I keep physical custody, with my son not spending more than a week from me. Well, in February 2009, Dr. Wald was paid double by my husband to conduct a new evaluation and had already conducted a home visit before even calling me to tell me. In court, Wald admitted to being paid $6000 by my husband and $1000 for his appearance. PhD Brian K. Wald even lied about when he spoke to me.

I lost physical custody of my son to a man with mental illness and an arrest record. I would ask myself how or why this happened, but I know how, and only the good Lord knows why.

I believe that this is a temporary situation to allow me to reach out to others and share my story.

The light must be shone on Virginia’s deplorable family justice system as this is the only way there will truly be justice. With so many corrupt attorneys and judges and guardians ad litem and child custody evaluators out there, to try to remove them all on our own would take forever. So let’s bring our stories together and together let’s shed the light on the bigger issue: children being put in harm’s way, and losing precious years, because Virginia has a bad and dangerously biased judiciary. If you want to share your story, you have a pair of ears ready to listen. I plan to publish an editorial of the many stories out there that are all too familiar, and devastating.

-Dawn Davis
Suffolk County, Virginia*

*Judges on the Virginia Courts in District and Circuit 5: Judge Westbrook J. Parker, Judge Rodham T. Delk, Judge Carl Edward Eason, Judge W. Parker Councill, Judge William R. Savage III, Judge James A. Moore, Judge Alfreda Talton-Harris and Judge Robert S. Brewbaker for Franklin City, Isle of Wight, Southampton and Suffolk

ALL MOTHERS with cases that have stalled, spiraled out of control and bumped up against the built-in corruption of our family justice system need to be in Richmond this fall for Confront Your Judge
--even if the judges hurting them are not up for reappointment in 2009...











...That's irrelevant.

[This post was originally published on 22 October 2009]

Virginia legislature hired then promoted questionnaire-fudging judge with mental problems; Norfolk circuit ex-jurist Tripp law license finally revoked

Ex-judge’s law license revoked

By Paul Fletcher
The VLW Blog
November 6, 2009

The story behind the abrupt and murky departure of former Norfolk Circuit Judge Alfred M. Tripp from the bench may now be public. And it apparently involves in part providing false information on judicial selection questionnaires sent to the General Assembly.
Tripp departed from the Norfolk courthouse in October 2007 under circumstances that no one would discuss. It merely was announced that he had been barred from the premises.
He resigned his judgeship in February 2008.
No one was talking; reporters from both The Virginian-Pilot and Virginia Lawyers Weekly had trouble getting any info on just what was going on with Tripp.
In November, the Virginia State Bar suspended his law license for impairment reasons.
Here is what may be the rest of the story: This morning, the VSB issued a press release about Tripp. His license was revoked Oct. 20, a move to which he consented.
In the release, the bar said that “[i]n consenting to the revocation, Mr. Tripp acknowledged that he provided false information on judicial selection questionnaires provided to the General Assembly to support his application for a judgeship.”
No other information was provided by the VSB. Tripp was elected to a seat on the Norfolk General District Court in 2003; three years later, he was elevated to circuit judgeship by the General Assembly.

Update: On Nov. 6, the VSB posted the order in which Tripp consented to the revocation of his license. In the order, the committee chair noted that Tripp submitted several questionnaires to the General Assembly in which he answered “no” to question asking if he had ever been treated for any emotional or mental illness or condition. In fact, Tripp had received treatment from 1987 to 2006 for a number of issues, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the order stated.

1 response so far: John - DC/VA suburb - Nov 13, 2009
At the very least, Judicial Inquiry and Review complaints for the previous 8 year term of the Judge should be made public during all legislative re-appointment sessions. At the very minimum, the date and nature of the complaint by title should be mandatory for re-appointment to the bench. If the public can’t vote for their judges, they should be able to be informed about what issues are filed against that Judge.

This article can be found at:
http://valawyersweekly.com/vlwblog/2009/11/06/ex-judge%e2%80%99s-law-license-revoked/ (Retrieved 12.23.09)

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I would also recommend that Virginia finally establish formal written judicial selection criteria and require mental health assessments, to include testing for personality disorders, of all judicial candidates to help guide you in those considerations.
SOURCE: “Dear Mr. Albo, I am writing you because I understand your role in the Virginia judicial selection process and the responsibility that is yours for…” found HERE

[This post was first published on 23 December 2009]

GLOUCESTER JUDGE GOOD FOR EXTREME MATERNAL DEPRIVATION, IRREGULAR RULINGS Survivors of Judicial Abuse in Va.’s 9th See Laurel, Pls Organize for JII 09

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“These people are all making money and there is no justice. The thing none of us can understand is what the judge gets out of it. The only thought I have about that is from a co-worker. She was fighting for custody in this court and her attorney told her they had to get it out of this judge's court. She had her parent's support and was able to get a good attorney. He managed to make sure it did not go in the court with this judge. He told her that this judge NEVER rules in favor of the mother…”
-Laurel S. Piland

...Regarding the May 5 blog post “ReferendumTime! DUMB, DISGUSTING, DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS Va. JUDGE RESELECT SYSTEM SHIELDED BY STATE CONSTITUTION} PROPOSING 09 BALLOT QUESTION TO AMEND” by VW
...Laurel S. Piland of Gloucester e-mailed:

...YES and can anybody hear me? Please contact!

The public should certainly have a vote as to the judges and terms of the judges in their counties. Absolutely YES to your question. [On Fri 28 Aug 2009, at 10:43 PM, LSheltonAnneRwe@aol.com wrote to YES.Judge.Retention.Election@gmail.com, subject ‘YES and can anybody hear me? Please contact!’]

I am a low income mother who lost custody of my child over 7 years ago. I have to admit that I had had problems with depression and made some bad decisions. Those decisions did not include substance abuse, child abuse or even negligence towards my child. I was and am a loving, devoted mother. Even in my depression I managed to get myself up 2 hours before she arose in order to get myself together and give her a great start to the day. I was a single mother going through a bad patch but I always made sure my child was safe and happy.

Our judge, in Gloucester, Virginia, took my child away (pre-natally) having never ordered a home study, a case worker, or anything that would have taken place if Child Protective services had removed my baby. All she did was tell me to get my act together and come back. I did in 6 months. Believe me, losing my child was a big wake up call and I did. Then the judge told me to prove I could keep it up. I did and even though; she told me I had done a good job, told me to keep up the good work, then gave my mother (a woman very angry at me for reasons related to my stepfather), full custody. They said that 2 years had gone by so my child mine as well stay at my mother's. The same mother and step father that almost drove me crazy. I do take responsibility for myself and I am not blaming my mother. I am only saying that I am from a very dysfunctional family and I am the only one who has gone for help. No one else feels the need to change, improve and they have my child.

Not being from Gloucester, I was not aware of this judge's reputation. I was not aware of the reputation of my mother's expensive attorney nor the guardian ad litem and the counselor's (with a masters in social work) reputation. All I knew was that the counselor whom I had never met, ever; he testified that I was mentally ill though I had doctors and other professionals saying I was perfectly fit to parent my child. I knew that my attorneys had taken my money, described all that they intended to do in court, but once in court, did nothing. It was very confusing.

After putting and ad in the paper for a support group I became aware of the reputations of all involved. Co workers, therapists, social workers and just about everyone I came in contact with had a story of someone they knew that had knowledge of the corruption of all the individuals I had against me.

It appears to be a racket between 4 individuals in Gloucester, including the judge, the attorney my mother could afford, the guardian ad litem (with her own private practice) and this grandiose counselor that does not have credentials to even receive insurance.

I was and still am ordered supervised visits to this counselor who again, testified against me having never met me. It has been almost 8 years and I can't even speak to my child over the phone. I have remained in Gloucester as to not abandon my child, though all my other loved ones are in Florida or Philadelphia. I went to therapy and still do go, without any court order but to prove I am sane and no threat to my child.

I just got out of court this month, trying to amend (again) but the judge did not budge. I call them "The Dream Team" and there is no justice if they are involved together. My mother's attorney can say any thing he wants to, hearsay, lies, with no proof and no basis and he is not stopped. I have never had an attorney that was willing to object or stand up to this group.

I spent my last dime on an unbiased professional Doctor to evaluate me for fitness as a parent, in Virginia Beach and they would not even allow him to complete his evaluation by meeting with my daughter. The Guardian Ad Litem told me BEFORE court that she had already made up her mind and did not need to hear from him.

I am broke and have to pay this so called councilor for visits with my child. I have met many other women that are in the same situation I am but some of them can't afford the visits therefore can't see their children at all. I can barely afford it and it is coming close to the point that I may not be able to either.

My child has hit 13 now, which is a tender age if all is well. She has gone from a bubbly, happy, funny and loving child, to a complete stranger to me. She lives with my mother and her husband, both in their 70's in poor health, living on 16 acres of isolated property. She does go to a private school in Williamsburg and is getting a good education, however she has very little contact with other kids. My mother is not able to take her places often and since age 6 (when she was taken form me), she has not really had any fun to speak of. It's rare. No pajama parties, or bowling, or movies, etc.

At this point she has become so brainwashed against me that I am not sure she even wants to be with me anymore. I will say she was 12 and still getting up in my lap to be cradled like a baby. She has just recently stopped.

All I asked for, (this last time around) was unsupervised visits. After all these years the judge said no and I knew she would. Everyone knew she would. My father and my brother told me constantly, "Save your money...You can't win."

I am sorry to carry on. I just wanted to support your cause. Many people in Gloucester have and are going through the same. This judge told me that I could not represent myself and to never come in her court room without an attorney again.

These people are all making money and there is no justice. The thing none of us can understand is what the judge gets out of it. The only thought I have about that is from a co worker. She was fighting for custody in this court and her attorney told her they had to get it out of this judge's court. She had her parent's support and was able to get a good attorney. He managed to make sure it did not go in the court with this judge. He told her that this judge NEVER rules in favor of the mothers, thus they had to get it out of her court. They did and she got custody of her child.

I know other mothers who never had a tarnish to their lives. A father on drugs got custody and ended up killing himself. The paternal grandparents hired THE ATTORNEY and got custody, ripping the child away from her 2 half sisters, mother, step father and extended family.

It is awful. It is a travesty. It has to stop. If anyone hears me and can give me a phone number or address, I would certainly be grateful. I have wanted to get a group together to try and make a difference but everyone I have met feels afraid to speak out. I am not afraid and I really long to help others. I could use some help myself but if it is too late for me then I still want to help others in any way I can.

-Laurel S. Piland (tel 804.642.9170)
Gloucester County, Virginia*

*Judges on the Virginia Courts in District and Circuit 9: Judge Isabel Hall AtLee, Judge Richard Y. AtLee, Judge George C. Fairbanks IV, Judge Colleen K. Killilea, Judge Michael E. McGinty, Judge Jeffrey W. Shaw, Judge R. Bruce Long, Judge Thomas B. Hoover and Judge Samuel T. Powell III for Gloucester County, Charles City, King William, King and Queen, Mathews, Middlesex, New Kent, Williamsburg/James City County, York and York County Poquoson

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The mission of Virginia's judicial system is to assure that
disputes are resolved justly, promptly, and economically.
The components necessary to discharge this function are
...competent, honest judges

Virginia Courts In Brief

Visit ‘LOUSY SPOUSE’ because the legal community you rely on doesn’t ‘have your best interests in mind’ \Two NoVa divorcees launch sprucy new website!

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In Ellen's experience, handling her divorce with two different "reputable" Alexandria lawyers, she came away with tens of thousands of dollars in bills to pay and the feeling that "the people you rely on don't necessarily have your best interests in mind," she said. "I felt very preyed upon," she...

Lousy Spouse?
These Two Divorcees Will Help You Out

By Austin Danforth
ALEXANDRIA TIMES
Thursday, August 27, 2009

...Through the founders’ experience and the input of others, the site tries to offer guidance on what steps to take with a divorce and some of the options that exist, both legally and emotionally.

"Ellen" was looking for a way to help others and provide the advice that she never received but, in hindsight, so desperately needed.

"Jane" needed a venue to vent her own frustrations and, eventually, turn a negative into a positive.

The two distant relatives grew up in Alexandria and essentially re-found each other this past spring amidst a difficult point in both of their lives: Mid-divorce for Jane and post-divorce for Ellen. They soon settled on a solution and went about developing a website for people in situations similar to their own.

The result of the collaboration was LousySpouse.com, a Wikipedia-like advice and information website which, though still a work in progress, is already having a positive impact on themselves and others.

"The title is kind of funny and a little bit harsh, but the real intent is healing and moving on and providing focus and clarity," Ellen said. "Those are all things that I don't necessarily think I had because I was discovering it as I went along."

After hashing out their project, Jane and Ellen — their nomes de plume on the site to avoid unforeseen future repercussions — turned to their friend Vanessa, a web designer based in the Atlanta area who they knew could help get their idea off of the ground.

"It's a tough thing to try to tackle relationships on a website," said Vanessa, who is still married. "They're not professional therapists, they're not giving professional advice, they're just giving their message of 'Get through this, you can do it, we're here for you.'"

The product has since become something of a cross between a blog and Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that is both user-generated and audited. Visitors can find open diary entries, tools to help keep things in perspective and a forum to commiserate with others.

The forum's anonymous nature allows contributors to "vent their own anger without getting themselves into trouble," Jane said, adding that she, Ellen and Vanessa continue to come up with new wrinkles and information to bolster the site.

"It's definitely put together more like a blog, but we want to have a lot of information there so we've got to pack it in as much as we can and still be very personal," Vanessa said. "When I was designing it, I wanted it to be a unisex thing for men and women because this happens to everybody."

Tuesday night in Georgetown, the founders held a launch party for friends and some area residents who have already benefited from LousySpouse.com.

Spreading by word of mouth and shot-in-the-dark Google queries, the site has gotten over 1,000 hits since launching at the end of July and already had an impact on those seeking some sort of solace or advice.

"The blogs are very helpful, just knowing that there are other people out there who are going through similar things and saying what they went through, how they dealt with it, how they're getting through it … because my process is still ongoing," said one party-goer from the District also in the middle of her own divorce.

The woman, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to keep with the site's general atmosphere, said that she'd "never seen anything like Lousy Spouse" and has already told her friends with spousal issues.

So far, the bulk of the contributions and interaction on the website has come from women, Jane said, but men have also sent emails and commented on their "lousy" situations.

"Lousy goes both ways, for sure, because I think we all have the same challenges," Ellen said.

After a costly and confusing divorce, Ellen is glad to provide a service that was never really available for her and would have been precious.

"If I could have scoped the problem, framed it and known what I was up against," handling her divorce would have gone much differently, Ellen said. "But when you're caught off guard, shocked … it was a knee-jerk reaction for me and I couldn't find the information that I needed."

In Ellen's experience, handling her divorce with two different "reputable" Alexandria lawyers, she came away with tens of thousands of dollars in bills to pay and the feeling that "the people you rely on don't necessarily have your best interests in mind," she said.

"I felt very preyed upon," she added.

Through the founders experience and the input of others, the site tries to offer guidance on what steps to take with a divorce and some of the options that exist, both legally and emotionally.

"Divorce is like a death in the family and a lot of people don't know what to say," Jane said. "People think it's very awkward. It's a scary process."

Jane said that when the prospect of divorce became a reality, both of the founders' initial reaction was to go to the internet for information. They built the website, in part, for people like themselves because they were unable to find helpful, free resources.

While more traditional options exist — the Second Saturday seminars on separation and divorce put on at Alexandria's NoVa Community College campus by Brilliant Exits, a Falls Church divorce counseling group — LousySpouse.com's founders want their venture to become an easily accessible medium for an increasingly internet-oriented generation.

"I'm hoping it becomes a resource and, frankly, the emails I've gotten to this point … make my devastation almost worth it," Ellen said. "If we could make one person feel a little less alone, a little less freakish, less overwhelmed … that's what I want to happen."

This article can be found at:
http://alextimes.com/news/2009/aug/27/lousy-spouse-these-two-divorcees-will-h/
...

Circuit judge nominees Lorraine Nordlund, Brett Kassabian, Michael Devine slated by area legislators tonight for second round of interviews on Dec. 17

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“There, citizens are encouraged to participate, whether they wish to support or oppose a judicial nominee or judicial incumbent, or simply observe.”


Lorraine Nordlund, Brett Kassabian and Michael Devine tonight were chosen by a team of local politicians to face Courts of Justice panelists for a second round of interviews on Thursday, December 17, 2009, in Richmond. The three were from among thirteen candidates reviewed this evening by a contingent of Northern Virginia delegates and senators responsible for filling the vacancies created by the departure of three longtime members of the Fairfax County Circuit Court bench: Judge Michael McWeeny, Judge Stanley Klein and Judge Gaylord Finch.
[SOURCE: Three Fairfax County seats head ’10 vacancies / By Alan Cooper / Virginia Lawyers Weekly / Dec. 7, 2009 / http://www.dolanmedia.com/view.cfm?recID=546248]

Tonight's screening, headed by Del. Dave Albo, who will also chair the COJ panel on Thursday, at the offices of the Northern Virginia Regional Commission on Williams Drive in Fairfax included interviews and was open to members of the general public though citizens are not permitted to speak. ( The voting was conducted during a "closed executive session." ) Thursday's more formal "Judicial Interviews" in House Room C of the General Assembly Building in Richmond is also open to the public. There, citizens are encouraged to participate, whether they wish to support or oppose a judicial nominee or judicial incumbent, or simply observe.

For more information on how to become involved in the Virginia judge selection process, click:

CONFRONT YOUR JUDGE AT JUDICIAL INTERVIEWS OF 2009. COJ SAYS UNLESS ANYONE COMES TO COMPLAIN, JUDGES USUALLY GET REAPPOINTED. SO WHO'S UP THIS FALL???,

And,

MAULED MOTHERS! Mark your calendars for JII 2009! Whether your offending judge is up for interview this fall or not, be in House Room C on December 17.

Lorraine Nordlund currently sits on the Fairfax County General District Court. Substitute Judge Brett Kassabian is a former Commonwealth Attorney in Northern Virginia. Michael Devine has a law office in Fairfax; Mr. Devine is also a "frequent filing" substitute judge in our 19th judicial circuit.

From my place in the audience, I had been most impressed by candidates William Daly, Michael Cassidy and Lorraine Nordlund. I was sorry Daly and Cassidy did not make the cut, with Nordlund.

The thirteen candidates each vying for a spot on the Fairfax County Circuit Court bench had been "processed" in just a little over three hours and with no public input!

Several such "processors" are trial lawyers who practice in Northern Virginia and appear regularly before the very judges they appoint. For example, Scott Surovell, who was elected in 2009 to the Virginia House of Delegates and represents the 44th district in Fairfax, is a member of Surovell, Markle, Isaacs & Levy, PLC. And J. Chapman Petersen, who was elected in 2001 to the Virginia House of Delegates and represents the 37th district in Fairfax, is also a member of Surovell, Markle, Isaacs & Levy, PLC. Delegate and COJ Chairman Dave Albo has served the 42nd district in Fairfax since 1993. Mr. Albo is partnered with Substitute Judge David Oblon in one of Virginia's 50 largest law firms: Albo & Oblon, LLP.

~Posted by VW

[This post was first published on 14 December 2009]

Sharon Zarozny ‘Brilliant Exits’ divorce coach knows it can be a ‘rough ride’ thru legal system for women leaving a moneyed narcissist /A WP Interview

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“My divorce took 4½ years. I spent $60,000. My ex: half a million. I remember turning to my attorney and saying, ‘When will this be over?’ And he said, ‘When one of you runs out of money.’” -SZ
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THE WASHINGTON POST MAGAZINE
First Person Singular
Sharon Zarozny
Divorce counselor/coach, Brilliant Exits, Falls Church

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I HELP PEOPLE THROUGH THE CHAOS of separation and divorce -- men, women, couples and families. My elevator speech is: When happily ever after stops working, call me. Sure, you can call an attorney, but you better be ready to fight if you do. Many, not all, attorneys are in it to win it. They don't have to care about what's left of your family.

I'm not pro-divorce. But people are so scared of it -- they think it's easier to keep getting beat up or live without love than admit to a failure. Me, I'm pro-figuring out what's best for you and your family. Maybe you need to find a therapist or a financial adviser or an attorney who isn't a barracuda. Or maybe you just want someone to listen who knows that bad marriages can happen to a good person.

I went through the divorce from hell. I'm still going through it. I have had 13 years of insight to know how the system works. First time I had to go to an attorney, it was terrifying. A criminal goes to an attorney. I didn't want to go to court -- before a judge. People tell me, "I don't want to get a divorce -- I just want to get unmarried. I want it over, but I don't want to go through all that stuff." Divorce is hard enough to go through. I don't think we should punish people by putting them through a grueling court experience and depleting their bank accounts. My divorce took 41/2 years. I spent $60,000. My ex: half a million. I remember turning to my attorney and saying, "When will this be over?" And he said, "When one of you runs out of money."

Starting this was the only way I could make sense of what I'd gone through. I'm not healed yet. When my daughters want to rent a romantic comedy, I don't want to watch. When I go to weddings of young couples, I think: I lost that fairy tale. But I still like men, don't get me wrong. At my daughter's freshmen orientation, all the students stood up and walked out. I looked around the room and saw all these couples holding hands, leaning on each other. I don't want to go it alone forever.

Interview by Amanda Long

This article can be found at:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/07/AR2009080702154.html

. . .
ADDENDA

"When you leave a high earning, narcissistic professional you can be in for quite a rough ride through the legal system. Often the upscale abuser has the means, power and leverage to hire a legal dream team and use the courts to further the abuse."
-Sharon Zarozny for Fairfax Woman

July/August 2009
Fairfax Woman
An Educational Journal for the Women of Fairfax County

Upscale Violence
In Is the Economy Affecting Your Love Life?

By Sharon Zarozny

I’ve worked with many clients who are struggling with Upscale Abuse. Smart, educated, beautiful, gifted women who are shocked to piece together the fact they are in an abusive marriage. Most don’t have the “victim” mentality and are mortified to find that yes, they are victims of domestic violence. These women succeed at most things, so it’s excruciatingly painful that they can’t make their marriage work. Often they are married to powerful, high earning men.

Many have given up promising careers at their spouse’s unrelenting urging. Compassionate moms, they do all they can to protect their children from the dad’s emotional and/or physical abuse. They create beautiful homes, become a super volunteer, and do whatever they can to “make their husband look good.” They are so busy they don’t see how their spouse is slowly, but surely, chipping away at their soul.

Then one day they wake up and realize they can no longer perpetuate the happily-ever-after myth. Perhaps their spouse has had an affair, cut them off financially, grabbed them by the throat, or their survival instincts tell them they better make a plan to get out before it’s too late.

When kids are involved, a new wrinkle is added. Many women stay to protect their children from time alone with an abusive parent. Others have extreme guilt at breaking up their family. What they don’t realize is that it is exposure to conflict, and witnessing abuse, that harms children not divorce or losing a privileged lifestyle. When a child sees a parent get hit, yelled at or criticized the child unknowingly experiences it as something happening to him/her. So if you are staying for the children, studies show you are doing them more harm than good.

If you can identify, get a copy of Susan Weitzman’s book Not To People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages or check out nottopeoplelikeus.com.

Knowing you are not alone is so crucial to getting out. In your world that swirls with “unreals” and craziness, you’ll find this book/site a gift of validation. You’ll know you are not crazy. Also visit TheWeitzmanCenter.org and download the free Care Kit provided. It, too, will help you understand and safely plan for when you are ready to get out. And plan you must. When you leave a high earning, narcissistic professional you can be in for quite a rough ride through the legal system. Often the upscale abuser has the means, power and leverage to hire a legal dream team and use the courts to further the abuse.

I know. My ex was a surgeon and Ivy League grad. He used our money to hire a bully of an attorney and his credentials gave him status in the Courts. That’s a story for another day. In the meantime, visit these sites. If you can identify, contact me. We need to talk. You are not alone.

Sharon Zarozny founded Brilliant Exits, LLC to teach others how to save time, money and misery as they move through the divorce process and create a new, better life. Visit www.brilliantexits.com to learn more.

FYI: Closer to home, a variety of free services are available from the Domestic Violence System Advocate Program at the Women’s Center. Call 703.281.4928 x 242 or visit thewomenscenter.org.

This article can be found at:
fairfaxwoman.com (on page 23 of the current issue)

. . .
ADDENDA

U.N. Tackles Universal Problem for Women: Divorce

By Theresa Braine
WeNews correspondent
September 6, 2009

Women the world over lose out financially in divorce, say custodians of the U.N. treaty on women's rights. That's why they are reviewing what CEDAW says on the matter, with a new general recommendation expected next year.

UNITED NATIONS (WOMENSENEWS)--Guardians of the U.N.'s treaty on women's rights have begun to address one of the most daunting challenges for women the world over: financially surviving divorce.

Setting international standards on this issue strikes at the core of cultural identity and even into people's personal sense of self, says Marsha Freeman, who heads a nongovernmental organization that is working with the committee currently reviewing the treaty's position on divorce. And that, she says, is "the hardest place to make these changes."

Freeman, an expert on women's rights and equality in the family, is the director of International Women's Rights Action Watch, a human rights group based at the University of Minnesota Law School that promotes worldwide recognition of the tenets of the U.N. Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, or CEDAW. Her organization is supporting the CEDAW working group that is studying the issue of divorce and its economic consequences for women.

Freeman helped draft the statement given by Ruth Halperin-Kaddari, vice president of the U.N. committee overseeing implementation of CEDAW, during the most recent review session on CEDAW, which took place from July 20 through August 7 this summer. During the meeting the committee began airing current research and findings on the economic consequences of divorce on women.



While revising the treaty's criterion for divorce won't be easy, CEDAW overseers consider it necessary. That's because although women the world over lead vastly different lives, most of them invariably lose out financially in divorce.

States party reports, nongovernmental organizations and the U.N.'s own research has determined over the years that in many countries laws and customs do not support either women's accumulation of property during marriage or equal division of marital property upon divorce . . .

Laurel Eisner, executive director of the New York City nonprofit Sanctuary for Families, noted that in the United States women often opt for an uncontested divorce, giving up their claim to property, because it is quicker to file a no-contest divorce that seeks nothing but the dissolution of the marriage. Such women may want a quick exit because it can help free them from an abusive relationship or avoid a costly legal battle, Eisner told Women's eNews.

Women often don't know how to safeguard their rights, nor can they circumvent corruption that's built into the legal and judicial professions . . .

This article continues at:
www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/4130/context/cover/

“I was rich until I met a rich man.”
~Veronique Wyvell, Survivor of judicial abuse
Fairfax County, Virginia

...this fall and every fall

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It’s the best thing we mothers-abused-by-judges can do for our cases, our kids, ourselves and one another.

Date: Thursday, December 17, 2009

Place: House Room C, GA Building, Richmond

Time: 8:30 a.m. [ Senate & House Notices ]

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Time was, rights were defensive.
They were to prevent government from doing things to you.
Today, rights increasingly are offensive weapons wielded
to inflict demands on other people, using state
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George Will

MICHAEL DONNER PhD: Pathological envy, narcissism, disavowal, perverse attitude toward reality produce unending conflicts over visitation and custody

[Donner, 2006] TEARING THE CHILD APART.
...“In this article, I take a psychoanalytic approach to questions usually considered to be matters of the family court system. The parents I discuss here are narcissistically vulnerable and overwhelmed by pathological amounts of envy. In addition to serious issues such as religious training or geographical dislocation, they fight over minimal differences in visitation, overreact to real or imagined slights, and seem to ignore their children’s need for stable and secure relationships with both parents. They too wage intense battles over what might seem like insignificant issues. The parents who are the focus of this article seem blind to the effects their behavior has on their children and unable to think beyond their own emotional needs. I believe that parents who tear their children apart with interminable custody battles ward off psychic collapse by fighting for custody. Perverse modes of thought permit them to indulge their rage and aggression against the other parent and against the children who cause them so much despair. The perpetual turmoil of the child custody process permits these parents to hold out for the possibility of a perfect solution. They act as though there is a custody schedule that will be ‘just right’ for them and their children. However, I believe that these perpetual struggles serve to hold off hateful and murderous wishes directed against the other parent and against their own children. If hatred is a reversal of suffering, as Kernberg (1992) has suggested, then these parents remain both victim and victimizers in their own internal struggle.
...The psychoanalytic literature is surprisingly quiet on the subject of these kinds of conflicts. A search of the 34,000 references in the databases of the American Psychoanalytic Association for the words custody or high conflict in book or journal article titles yielded no results. Books and articles about divorce and custody that include psychoanalytic concepts mostly concern the effects of divorce on children. Most if not all of the literature on divorce has been written for lawyers, judges, parents, and nonpsychoanalytic therapists; it focuses primarily on how high-conflict divorce affects children and only describes the parents in broad strokes. Although narcissism, separation–individuation, dependent attachment, counter- and oscillating dependency, and unresolved attachment issues have been labeled as major factors in high-conflict divorces (…), these characteristics are rarely examined in any detail. Considering the pervasiveness of divorce in our society, the literature is quite limited in its scope. Where the literature has considered psychoanalytic concepts, narcissism and narcissistic vulnerabilities are referred to as the most common psychological struggle of parents engaged in high-conflict divorce…
...But as I hope to suggest, narcissism alone cannot always explain the intractable battles, financial devastation, self-destructive behaviors, or some parents’ willingness to psychologically harm and sometimes kill their own children. Although there are a number of dynamic variables that may contribute to high-conflict divorces, in this article I describe only those situations in which narcissism, pathological envy, disavowal, and perverse thinking all combine to create a mode of thinking and living that sustains some of these never-ending battles. The term high-conflict divorce, used to describe dramatic and chronic divorces, is too all inclusive. Within this category is a subgroup of parents whose behavior seems so obviously self-defeating and destructive to their children, yet they ignore this apparent reality. These parents are the subject of this article.” (Pages 543-44)
8888888888

Dr. Michael B. Donner (pictured) is the Chair of the California Psychological Association Ethics Committee, the Ethics Chair for the Alameda County Psychological Association, and a member of the Ethics and Impairment Committee of the San Francisco Psychoanalytic Center for Psychoanalysis. He has been on the faculty at a variety of educational institutions teaching Law and Ethics for mental health professionals. He has a forensic practice and has served as a court appointed Special Master, Chemical Dependency Evaluator, Child Custody Evaluator, and as an expert witness for the California Board of Behavioral Sciences and expert reviewer for the California Board of Psychology. The Summer 2006 issue of Psychoanalytic Psychology published “Tearing the Child Apart: The Contribution of Narcissism, Envy, and Perverse Modes of Thought to Child Custody Wars” by Dr. Donner.

______________
Tearing the Child Apart: The Contribution of Narcissism, Envy, and Perverse Modes of Thought to Child Custody Wars

Fighting over seemingly insignificant matters can manage aggression and ward off psychic collapse.

"This article takes a psychoanalytic approach to questions usually considered to be matters of the family court system. The psychological effects of high-conflict divorce on children are well known, but what motivates their parents is less understood. Pathological narcissism, pathological envy, disavowal, and a perverse attitude toward reality can produce unending conflicts over visitation and custody. Fighting over seemingly insignificant matters can manage aggression and ward off psychic collapse. These families are frequently referred to co-parenting counseling or psycho-educational groups; however, the author proposes that psychoanalytically oriented treatment can best address these parents' unconscious wishes to damage or destroy their own children and the perverse character structure that enables parents to negate their roles in tearing their children apart." [Abstract]

Psychoanalytic Psychology. Vol 23(3), Sum 2006, 542-553.

This article can be ordered at:
http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=main.doiLanding&uid=2006-09622-006

Note: Your library
may have purchased access

to this information through another service provider.

_____________________
Readers of Michael B. Donner’s article might also appreciate this 2001 publication by Daniel J. Rybicki and this 1990 speech by Frank S. Williams:

PARENTAL ALIENATION AND ENMESHMENT ISSUES IN CHILD CUSTODY CASES
By Daniel J. Rybicki, Psy.D., DAPBS
(Document last updated August 19, 2001)
http://www.danielrybicki.com/PAS.html

PREVENTING PARENTECTOMY FOLLOWING DIVORCE
By Frank S. Williams, M.D.
(Keynote Address, Fifth Annual Conference, National Council for Children's Rights, Washington DC, October 20, 1990)
http://fact.on.ca/Info/pas/willia90.htm

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